Ninja Idol
by TakeTheseChains
Summary: A Naruto parody of American Idol! Who will be the last singer standing?
1. The Auditions, Part 1

**Ninja Idol**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the songs mentioned here.

Hello, and welcome to Ninja Idol, where we look for the best undiscovered singers in the ninja realm! Today, it's Part 1 of 2 of the auditions!

First, Sakura steps in and gets a golden ticket with three yeses, as does Ino. Then, Sasuke steps in.

Sasuke: My name's Sasuke Uchiha, and I will be singing _This Is Why I'm Hot_ by Mims.

_This is why I'm hot  
This is why I'm hot  
This is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot  
This is why I'm hot  
This is why I'm hot  
This is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot  
I'm hot 'cause I'm fly, you ain't cause you not  
This is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot  
I'm hot 'cause I'm fly, you hate cause you not  
This is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot_

Kakashi: Okay, that's enough.

Iruka: Amazing! This boy is some talent!

Gai: Fully agreed! Sasuke, I'll be amazed if you don't make at least the top five.

Gai: How can you say that?!

Iruka: He's the best one so far, by miles! And he was on your team!

Kakashi: Well, in any case, it's a no.

Gai: A hundred percent yes!

Iruka: A hundred and fifty percent yes, which means you're going to Hollywood!

(Sasuke walks out of the room in his usual calm demeanor, when Sakura and Ino appear)

Ino: So, how'd it go?

Sasuke: I got the golden ticket, but Kakashi gave me a no.

(Sakura and Ino storm into the room and violently assault Kakashi)

Later…

(Shikamaru enters the room)

Shikamaru: This is a waste of time… (walks out of the room)

Kakashi: What the hell was that? Okay, who's next?

(Kiba walks in)

Kiba: I'm Kiba Inuzuka. (points at Akamaru) And this is my puppy, Akamaru, who'll be performing here, too.

Kakashi: Are you for real?

Kiba: Yeah. Let's do it, Akamaru!

Kakashi: And what will you be singing?

Kiba: _Who Let The Dogs Out_ by the Baha Men.

Key: _**Kiba **__(Akamaru)_

_**Who let the dogs out**__(woof, woof, woof, woof)__  
__**Who let the dogs out**__(woof, woof, woof, woof)__  
__**Who let the dogs out**__(woof, woof, woof, woof)__  
__**Who let the dogs out**__(woof, woof, woof, woof)_

Kakashi: Okay, stop.

Iruka: You're good, but lose the dog. Yes to you, no to the dog.

Gai: Same here.

Kakashi: Me too. Kiba, you're in, Akamaru, you're out.

Kiba: I refuse to go through unless Akamaru goes through!

Kakashi: Fine, we'll let him go through.

But, what Kiba didn't know was that Akamaru was entered as a separate contestant!

Later, Itachi and Neji were both accepted with three yeses each, while Lee was turned down despite Gai's pleading and begging. (Gai: This boy is gonna win and sell a billion albums! I'm convinced of it! You MUST allow him through!)

Next was Deidara.

Deidara: I'll be singing _Buttons _by the Pussycat Dolls.

Iruka, Gai, and Kakashi: -huddle to discuss-

Iruka: It's three no's, Deidara.

Deidara: I'll show you! All three of you! I'll enter Ninja Big Brother, damn it! -sticks out middle finger at the three judges-

Next was Choji.

Iruka: And what's your name, son?

Choji: It's Choji Akimichi.

Iruka: And what will you be singing?

Choji: _The Hand that Feeds _by Nine Inch Nails: my favorite song ever!

Kakashi (to himself): Well, this'll be a good laugh!

_Just how deep do you believe?  
Will you bite the hand that feeds?  
Will you chew until it bleeds?  
Can you get up off your knees?  
Are you brave enough to see?  
Do you want to change it?_

Kakashi: I hate to admit it, but, that was really good!

Iruka: Your voice kinda reminds me of Layne Staley from Alice in Chains.

Choji: Yeah, I'm really into grunge and other 90's rock.

Iruka: In any case, I say yes.

Gai: Yes as well.

Kakashi: Three yeses, you're through to Hollywood!

Finally, the last contestant of the day came in.

Jiraiya: I'm ready for my audition!

Gai: You're not under 30.

Jiraiya: Forget about that. -looks around- Damn, no girl judges? (walks out)

Kakashi: WTF?

**To be continued…**


	2. The Auditions, Part 2

It's Part 2 of the auditions! I've already written the disclaimer so I won't write it from here on in. Here's our first contestant of the day! Can this wannabe rocker follow Choji through?

(Gaara walks in)

Gaara: I'm Gaara of the Sand, but you can call me just Gaara.

Kakashi: And what will you be singing?

Gaara: _The Number of the Beast_ by Iron Maiden.

_I left alone, my mind was blank.  
I needed time to get the memories from my mind_

_What did I see? Can I believe,  
That what I saw last night was real  
and not just fantasy?_

_Just what I saw, in my old dreams,  
Were they reflections of my warped mind  
staring back at me?_

_'Cause in my dreams, it's always there,  
The evil face that twists my mind and brings  
me to despair_

Gaara: (to himself) Okay, here goes…

(screams powerfully)

Kakashi: Okay, stop. Gaara, to be honest with you, that was like seven-inch-long nails down a clean chalkboard.

Gai: Bruce Dickinson is one of the greatest metal singers of all time. That song was way too big for you by miles. It was just really bad.

Iruka: If I played that scream over a hundred times, that's what it would sound like when Mars and Jupiter collide.

Kakashi: Three no's, Gaara.

Next was his sister, Temari.

Iruka: Hi, what's your name?

Temari: I'm Temari of the Sand.

Kakashi: And you will be singing…?

Temari:_ Teardrops on my Guitar_ by Taylor Swift.

Kakashi: Okay, go.

_He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar.  
The only thing that keeps me fishing with a fishing rod.  
_

Kakashi: Stop. How do you expect to win if you botch the lyrics to a song being played on every radio station in the nation? –turns to the other judges- A unanimous no?

Iruka & Gai: No it is.

Next up was their brother, Kankuro.

Gai: And you are...?

Kankuro: Kankuro of the Sand.

Kakashi: What will you be singing?

Kankuro: _Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely_ by the Backstreet Boys.

Kakashi: (to himself): Is he for real?

Iruka: You may start.

_Show me the meaning of being lonely  
Is this the feeling I need to walk with?  
Tell me why I can't be there where you are  
There's something missing in my heart_

Kakashi: Incredibly, I actually liked that!

Gai: Yeah, that was really good!

Kakashi: Straight yeses, then?

Iruka: Yep.

Kakashi: Kankuro, you're through to Hollywood!

When Kankuro showed his siblings the golden ticket, this was the reaction.

Gaara & Temari: -jaws drop by about a foot-

The next four were Hidan, Tobi, Pein, and Kabuto. All four made it through. Next was Zetsu.

Zetsu: I'm Zetsu.

Kakashi: And you will be singing…?

Zetsu: _For Once in My Life_ by Stevie Wonder.

Kakashi: Okay, go ahead.

_For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of  
Long before I knew  
Someone warm like you  
Would make my dreams come true_

Gai: I actually rather like that – it's in the 70's soul singer vibe.

Iruka: Yeah, I can see a bit of that in there as well.

Kakashi: Straight yeses?

Gai: Straight yeses.

Kakashi: Zetsu, you're through.

Soon after…

(Konohamaru steps in)

Kakashi: You're not old enough to enter.

Konohamaru: Fine! Just rot in hell, you moron! (flashes loser sign)

Kakashi: What the hell is up with this idiot? Next!

The next two were Kisame and Konan, who both got through.

Kakashi: Is this Akatsuki Qualifying for Hollywood Day or something?

After Hinata had stepped in and then raced out, it was time for the final contestant of the auditions.

Naruto: I'm Naruto Uzumaki, and not only will I become the Hokage, but the Ninja Idol as well!

All three judges in unison: No.

(flashback to last year)

(Naruto walks into the room in a suit of the Third Hokage)

Naruto: Hi!

(end flashback)

And that's it for the auditions! To recap, our 16 remaining contestants are Sakura, Ino, Sasuke, Kiba, Akamaru, Itachi, Neji, Choji, Kankuro, Hidan, Tobi, Pein, Kabuto, Zetsu, Kisame, and Konan.

**To be continued…**


	3. The Theater Round, Part 1

(pokes Chapter 1 for disclaimer)

Okay, so we're at the Konoha Theater today to decide our final 12 contestants! The 16 contestants will be paired up into eight groups of two. The top four pairs advance to the final 12, while the eight remaining contestants will have to sing alone after that, and the top four of that group will receive wild-card entries into the final 12. Now, let's see how they got on!

Each pair was assigned a song for themselves. First up were Itachi and Zetsu. They were given the song _Sylvia's Mother_ by Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show.

Key: _**Itachi **__(Zetsu)_

_**Sylvia's mother says Sylvia's packing, she's going be leaving today  
Sylvia's mother says Sylvia's marrying, a fellow down Galveston Way  
Sylvia's mother says please don't say nothing, to make her start crying and stay  
And the operator says Forty cents more, for the next three minutes**_

_(Please Mrs. Avery I just got to talk to her  
I'll only keep her a while  
Please Mrs. Avery I just want to tell her  
Goodbye)_

Next were Hidan and Akamaru, who were to sing _Texas Flood _by Stevie Ray Vaughan. However, Akamaru was dismissed after barking instead of singing. Kiba was furious, and the following scenario ensued.

Kiba: How can you not let him through?

Kakashi: He's terrible.

Kiba: Well, he's MY dog! He goes through, or I go out!

Kakashi: Okay, if you insist.

Kiba: I might as well! Come on, Akamaru! -picks up Akamaru and storms out- Go to hell, Kakashi Hatake and Ninja Idol! (sticks out middle finger at studio)

Kakashi: Okay then, Hidan, you're being re-partnered with Sakura.

Key: _**Hidan**_ _(Sakura)_

_**Well, dark clouds are rollin' in  
Man, I'm standin' out in the rain**_

_**Yeah, flood water keep a rollin'  
Man, it's about to drive poor me insane**_

_**Well, dark clouds are rollin' in  
Man, I'm standin' out in the rain**_

_(Well, I'm leavin' you baby  
Lord, and I'm goin' back home to stay_

Well, I'm leavin' you baby  
Lord, and I'm goin' back home to stay

__

Well, back home I know floods and tornadoes  
Baby, the sun shines on me every day...)

Next were Sasuke and Choji. The song set for them was _You're the Voice_ by John Farnham.

Key:_** Sasuke**_ _(Choji)_

_**We're all someone's daughter  
We're all someone's son  
How long can we look at each other  
Down the barrel of a gun?**_

_(You're the voice, try and understand it  
Make a noise and make it clear  
Oh-wo-wo-wo, oh-wo-wo-wo  
We're not gonna sit in silence  
We're not gonna live with fear  
Oh-wo-wo-wo, oh-wo-wo-wo)_

Next up were Neji and Tobi, who would be singing _You've Got Another Thing Coming_ by Judas Priest.

Key: _**Neji **__(Tobi)_

_**One life I'm gonna live it up**_**  
**_**I'm takin' flight I said I'll never get enough**_**  
**_**Stand tall I'm young and kinda proud**_**  
**_**I'm on top as long as the music's loud**_

_(If you think I'll sit around as the world goes by_  
_You're thinkin' like a fool cause it's a case of do or die_  
_Out there is a fortune waitin' to be had_  
_You think I'll let it go you're mad_  
_You've got another thing comin')_

After that, it was Kisame and Kabuto, who would have to sing _Two Steps Behind_ by Def Leppard.

Key: _**Kisame**_ _(Kabuto)_

_**Walk away if you want to**_

_**It's okay, if you need to**_

_**You can run, but you can never hide**_

_**See my shadow come creeping up beside you**_

_**There's a magic running through your soul**_

_**But you can't have it all**_

_(Whatever you do,_

_I'll be two steps behind you_

_Wherever you go,_

_And I'll be there to remind you,_

_That it only takes a minute of your precious time,_

_To turn around and I'll be two steps behind)_

After that, up stepped Ino and Konan to belt out _Before He Cheats_ by Carrie Underwood.

Key: _**Ino **__(Konan)_

_**Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"  
and he's a-thinking that he's gonna get lucky,  
Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo  
And he don't know...**_

_(That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,  
carved my name into his leather seats,  
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,  
slashed a hole in all 4 tires..._

_Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.)_

Last up were Kankuro and Pein, who would be singing _Virtual Insanity_ by Jamiroquai.

Key: _**Kankuro**_ _(Pein)_

_**Whoa - it's so insane  
To synthesize another strain  
There's something in these  
Futures that we have to be told.**_

_(Futures made of virtual insanity - now  
Always seem to, be governed by this love we have  
For useless, twisting, our new technology  
Oh, now there is no sound - for we all live underground)_

Sometime later, Kakashi got all the contestants to assemble. Then, he made an announcement.

Kakashi: The four pairs, or eight contestants, that go straight to the final 12 are as follows in order of

performance:

Hidan

Sakura

Sasuke

Choji

Kisame

Kabuto

Ino

Konan

Kakashi: The rest of you will go into a wildcard pool, where the top four advance.

**To be continued…**


	4. The Theater Round, Part 2

Oh my God, sorry for the long wait.

Anyway, it's the wildcard stage of the theater rounds! The contestants in the wildcard round are:

Itachi

Zetsu

Neji

Tobi

Kankuro

Pein

Each contestant was given a song for their last chance at the final 12. Only four of them advance.

Neji was first up. He would be singing _My Cherie Amour_ by Stevie Wonder.

_My cherie amour, lovely as a summer day  
My cherie amour, distant as the milky way  
My cherie amour, pretty little one that I adore  
You're the only girl my heart beats for  
How I wish that you were mine_

Next was Zetsu, who was set the song _If You're Not the One_ by Daniel Bedingfield.

_I never know what the future brings  
But I know you are here with me now  
We'll make it through,  
And I hope you are the one I share my life with_

_I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I dont understand,  
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?  
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?_

Following him was Itachi. He'd be singing _Detroit Rock City _by KISS.

_Movin' fast, doin' 95,  
Hit top speed but I'm still movin' much too slow  
I feel so good, I'm so alive  
I hear my song playin' on the radio  
It goes,_

_Get up,  
Everybody's gonna move their feet  
Get down,  
Everybody's gonna leave their seat_

Following him was Kankuro. He was given the song _Friends in Low Places_ by Garth Brooks.

_'Cause I got friends in low places,  
Where the whiskey drowns,  
And the beer chases my blues away,  
But I'll be okay,  
Now I'm not big on social graces,  
Think I'll slip on down to the oasis,  
Oh I got friends,  
In low places._

After that, Pein stepped forward. He was to sing _Cross Road Blues _by Robert Johnson.

_Standin' at the crossroad, baby, risin' sun goin' down,  
Standin' at the crossroad, baby, risin' sun goin' down,  
I believe to my soul, now, poor Bob is sinkin' down_

_You can run, you can run, tell my friend Willie Brown,  
You can run, you can run, tell my friend Willie Brown,  
That I got the crossroad blues this mornin', Lord, babe, I'm sinkin' down_

Finally, Tobi, who was last up, would be singing _I Get By_ by Honest Bob and the Factory-to-Dealer Incentives.

_If I had you I'd hold you like a guitar  
I could slay you with a well-placed F sharp barre  
If you don't want to hear that tune I'll leave my fingers where they are_

_And every time I see your face I want to touch it  
And I know I'll never touch it  
I get by, I get by_

Later...

Kakashi: In no particular order, the four who have qualified for the final 12 are as follows:

Pein

Tobi

Itachi

Kankuro

Kakashi: Therefore, the final 12 are Hidan, Sakura, Choji, Kisame, Kabuto, Ino, Konan, Pein, Tobi, Itachi, and Kankuro.

-Kakashi leaves-

Okay, that's it for the theater phase! Next, we'll be in the final 12, where there will be two chapters for each round: one for the performance and one for the results. Also, every two or three rounds, there'll be a look behind the scenes to see what your Ninja Idols are getting up to besides singing or worrying about elimination. Until then, bye!


End file.
